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Edgar Allan Poe - Four Beasts in One
Credits: Gutenberg Project.
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FOUR BEASTS IN ONE
THE HOMO-CAMELEOPARD
Chacun a ses vertus. -- Crebillon's Xerxes.
ANTIOCHUS s very generally looked upon as the Gog of the
prophet Ezekiel. This honor is, however, more properly attributable
to Cambyses, the son of Cyrus. And, indeed, the character of the
Syrian monarch does by no means stand in need of any adventitious
embellishment. His accession to the throne, or rather his usurpation
of the sovereignty, a hundred and seventy-one years before the coming
of Christ; his attempt to plunder the temple of Diana at Ephesus; his
implacable hostility to the Jews; his pollution of the Holy of
Holies; and his miserable death at Taba, after a tumultuous reign of
eleven years, are circumstances of a prominent kind, and therefore
more generally noticed by the historians of his time than the
impious, dastardly, cruel, silly, and whimsical achievements which
make up the sum total of his private life and reputation.
Let us suppose, gentle reader, that it is now the year of the world
three thousand eight hundred and thirty, and let us, for a few
minutes, imagine ourselves at that most grotesque habitation of man,
the remarkable city of Antioch. To be sure there were, in Syria and
other countries, sixteen cities of that appellation, besides the one
to which I more particularly allude. But ours is that which went by
the name of Antiochia Epidaphne, from its vicinity to the little
village of Daphne, where stood a temple to that divinity. It was
built (although about this matter there is some dispute) by Seleucus
Nicanor, the first king of the country after Alexander the Great, in
memory of his father Antiochus, and became immediately the residence
of the Syrian monarchy.
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In the flourishing times of the Roman Empire, it
was the ordinary station of the prefect of the
eastern provinces; and many of the emperors of
the queen city (among whom may be mentioned,
especially, Verus and Valens) spent here the greater part
of their time. But I perceive we have arrived at the city itself. Let
us ascend this battlement, and throw our eyes upon the town and
neighboring country.
"What broad and rapid river is that which forces its way, with
innumerable falls, through the mountainous wilderness, and finally
through the wilderness of buildings?"
That is the Orontes, and it is the only water in sight, with the
exception of the Mediterranean, which stretches, like a broad mirror,
about twelve miles off to the southward. Every one has seen the
Mediterranean; but let me tell you, there are few who have had a peep
at Antioch. By few, I mean, few who, like you and me, have had, at
the same time, the advantages of a modern education. Therefore cease
to regard that sea, and give your whole attention to the mass of
houses that lie beneath us. You will remember that it is now the year
of the world three thousand eight hundred and thirty. Were it later
-- for example, were it the year of our Lord eighteen hundred and
forty-five, we should be deprived of this extraordinary spectacle. In
the nineteenth century Antioch is -- that is to say, Antioch will be
-- in a lamentable state of decay. It will have been, by that time,
totally destroyed, at three different periods, by three successive
earthquakes. Indeed, to say the truth, what little of its former self
may then remain, will be found in so desolate and ruinous a state
that the patriarch shall have removed his residence to Damascus. This
is well. I see you profit by my advice, and are making the most of
your time in inspecting the premises -- in
-satisfying your eyes
With the memorials and the things of fame
That most renown this city.-
I beg pardon; I had forgotten that Shakespeare will not flourish for
seventeen hundred and fifty years to come. But does not the
appearance of Epidaphne justify me in calling it grotesque?
"It is well fortified; and in this respect is as much indebted to
nature as to art."
Very true.
"There are a prodigious number of stately palaces."
There are.
"And the numerous temples, sumptuous and magnificent, may bear
comparison with the most lauded of antiquity."
All this I must acknowledge. Still there is an infinity of mud huts,
and abominable hovels. We cannot help perceiving abundance of filth
in every kennel, and, were it not for the over-powering fumes of
idolatrous incense, I have no doubt we should find a most intolerable
stench. Did you ever behold streets so insufferably narrow, or houses
so miraculously tall? What gloom their shadows cast upon the ground!
It is well the swinging lamps in those endless colonnades are kept
burning throughout the day; we should otherwise have the darkness of
Egypt in the time of her desolation.
"It is certainly a strange place! What is the meaning of yonder
singular building? See! it towers above all others, and lies to the
eastward of what I take to be the royal palace."
That is the new Temple of the Sun, who is adored in Syria under the
title of Elah Gabalah. Hereafter a very notorious Roman Emperor will
institute this worship in Rome, and thence derive a cognomen,
Heliogabalus. I dare say you would like to take a peep at the
divinity of the temple. You need not look up at the heavens; his
Sunship is not there -- at least not the Sunship adored by the
Syrians. That deity will be found in the interior of yonder building.
He is worshipped under the figure of a large stone pillar terminating
at the summit in a cone or pyramid, whereby is denoted Fire.
"Hark -- behold! -- who can those ridiculous beings be, half naked,
with their faces painted, shouting and gesticulating to the rabble?"
Some few are mountebanks. Others more particularly belong to the race
of philosophers. The greatest portion, however -- those especially
who belabor the populace with clubs -- are the principal courtiers of
the palace, executing as in duty bound, some laudable comicality of
the king's.
"But what have we here? Heavens! the town is swarming with wild
beasts! How terrible a spectacle! -- how dangerous a peculiarity!"
Terrible, if you please; but not in the least degree dangerous. Each
animal if you will take the pains to observe, is following, very
quietly, in the wake of its master. Some few, to be sure, are led
with a rope about the neck, but these are chiefly the lesser or timid
species. The lion, the tiger, and the leopard are entirely without
restraint. They have been trained without difficulty to their present
profession, and attend upon their respective owners in the capacity
of valets-de-chambre. It is true, there are occasions when Nature
asserts her violated dominions; -- but then the devouring of a
man-at-arms, or the throttling of a consecrated bull, is a
circumstance of too little moment to be more than hinted at in
Epidaphne.
"But what extraordinary tumult do I hear? Surely this is a loud noise
even for Antioch! It argues some commotion of unusual interest."
Yes -- undoubtedly. The king has ordered some novel spectacle -- some
gladiatorial exhibition at the hippodrome -- or perhaps the massacre
of the Scythian prisoners -- or the conflagration of his new palace
-- or the tearing down of a handsome temple -- or, indeed, a bonfire
of a few Jews. The uproar increases. Shouts of laughter ascend the
skies. The air becomes dissonant with wind instruments, and horrible
with clamor of a million throats. Let us descend, for the love of
fun, and see what is going on! This way -- be careful! Here we are in
the principal street, which is called the street of Timarchus. The
sea of people is coming this way, and we shall find a difficulty in
stemming the tide. They are pouring through the alley of Heraclides,
which leads directly from the palace; -- therefore the king is most
probably among the rioters. Yes; -- I hear the shouts of the herald
proclaiming his approach in the pompous phraseology of the East. We
shall have a glimpse of his person as he passes by the temple of
Ashimah. Let us ensconce ourselves in the vestibule of the sanctuary;
he will be here anon. In the meantime let us survey this image. What
is it? Oh! it is the god Ashimah in proper person. You perceive,
however, that he is neither a lamb, nor a goat, nor a satyr, neither
has he much resemblance to the Pan of the Arcadians. Yet all these
appearances have been given -- I beg pardon -- will be given -- by
the learned of future ages, to the Ashimah of the Syrians. Put on
your spectacles, and tell me what it is. What is it?
"Bless me! it is an ape!"
True -- a baboon; but by no means the less a deity. His name is a
derivation of the Greek Simia -- what great fools are antiquarians!
But see! -- see! -- yonder scampers a ragged little urchin. Where is
he going? What is he bawling about? What does he say? Oh! he says the
king is coming in triumph; that he is dressed in state; that he has
just finished putting to death, with his own hand, a thousand chained
Israelitish prisoners! For this exploit the ragamuffin is lauding him
to the skies. Hark! here comes a troop of a similar description. They
have made a Latin hymn upon the valor of the king, and are singing it
as they go:
Mille, mille, mille,
Mille, mille, mille,
Decollavimus, unus homo!
Mille, mille, mille, mille, decollavimus!
Mille, mille, mille,
Vivat qui mille mille occidit!
Tantum vini habet nemo
Quantum sanguinis effudit!{*1}
Which may be thus paraphrased:
A thousand, a thousand, a thousand,
A thousand, a thousand, a thousand,
We, with one warrior, have slain!
A thousand, a thousand, a thousand, a thousand.
Sing a thousand over again!
Soho! -- let us sing
Long life to our king,
Who knocked over a thousand so fine!
Soho! -- let us roar,
He has given us more
Red gallons of gore
Than all Syria can furnish of wine!
"Do you hear that flourish of trumpets?"
Yes: the king is coming! See! the people are aghast with admiration,
and lift up their eyes to the heavens in reverence. He comes; -- he
is coming; -- there he is!
"Who? -- where? -- the king? -- do not behold him -- cannot say that
I perceive him."
Then you must be blind.
"Very possible. Still I see nothing but a tumultuous mob of idiots
and madmen, who are busy in prostrating themselves before a gigantic
cameleopard, and endeavoring to obtain a kiss of the animal's hoofs.
See! the beast has very justly kicked one of the rabble over -- and
another -- and another -- and another. Indeed, I cannot help admiring
the animal for the excellent use he is making of his feet."
Rabble, indeed! -- why these are the noble and free citizens of
Epidaphne! Beasts, did you say? -- take care that you are not
overheard. Do you not perceive that the animal has the visage of a
man? Why, my dear sir, that cameleopard is no other than Antiochus
Epiphanes, Antiochus the Illustrious, King of Syria, and the most
potent of all the autocrats of the East! It is true, that he is
entitled, at times, Antiochus Epimanes -- Antiochus the madman -- but
that is because all people have not the capacity to appreciate his
merits. It is also certain that he is at present ensconced in the
hide of a beast, and is doing his best to play the part of a
cameleopard; but this is done for the better sustaining his dignity
as king. Besides, the monarch is of gigantic stature, and the dress
is therefore neither unbecoming nor over large. We may, however,
presume he would not have adopted it but for some occasion of
especial state. Such, you will allow, is the massacre of a thousand
Jews. With how superior a dignity the monarch perambulates on all
fours! His tail, you perceive, is held aloft by his two principal
concubines, Elline and Argelais; and his whole appearance would be
infinitely prepossessing, were it not for the protuberance of his
eyes, which will certainly start out of his head, and the queer color
of his face, which has become nondescript from the quantity of wine
he has swallowed. Let us follow him to the hippodrome, whither he is
proceeding, and listen to the song of triumph which he is commencing:
Who is king but Epiphanes?
Say -- do you know?
Who is king but Epiphanes?
Bravo! -- bravo!
There is none but Epiphanes,
No -- there is none:
So tear down the temples,
And put out the sun!
Well and strenuously sung! The populace are hailing him 'Prince of
Poets,' as well as 'Glory of the East,' 'Delight of the Universe,'
and 'Most Remarkable of Cameleopards.' They have encored his
effusion, and do you hear? -- he is singing it over again. When he
arrives at the hippodrome, he will be crowned with the poetic wreath,
in anticipation of his victory at the approaching Olympics.
"But, good Jupiter! what is the matter in the crowd behind us?"
Behind us, did you say? -- oh! ah! -- I perceive. My friend, it is
well that you spoke in time. Let us get into a place of safety as
soon as possible. Here! -- let us conceal ourselves in the arch of
this aqueduct, and I will inform you presently of the origin of the
commotion. It has turned out as I have been anticipating. The
singular appearance of the cameleopard and the head of a man, has, it
seems, given offence to the notions of propriety entertained, in
general, by the wild animals domesticated in the city. A mutiny has
been the result; and, as is usual upon such occasions, all human
efforts will be of no avail in quelling the mob. Several of the
Syrians have already been devoured; but the general voice of the
four-footed patriots seems to be for eating up the cameleopard. 'The
Prince of Poets,' therefore, is upon his hinder legs, running for his
life. His courtiers have left him in the lurch, and his concubines
have followed so excellent an example. 'Delight of the Universe,'
thou art in a sad predicament! 'Glory of the East,' thou art in
danger of mastication! Therefore never regard so piteously thy tail;
it will undoubtedly be draggled in the mud, and for this there is no
help. Look not behind thee, then, at its unavoidable degradation; but
take courage, ply thy legs with vigor, and scud for the hippodrome!
Remember that thou art Antiochus Epiphanes. Antiochus the
Illustrious! -- also 'Prince of Poets,' 'Glory of the East,' 'Delight
of the Universe,' and 'Most Remarkable of Cameleopards!' Heavens!
what a power of speed thou art displaying! What a capacity for
leg-bail thou art developing! Run, Prince! -- Bravo, Epiphanes! Well
done, Cameleopard! -- Glorious Antiochus! -- He runs! -- he leaps! --
he flies! Like an arrow from a catapult he approaches the hippodrome!
He leaps! -- he shrieks! -- he is there! This is well; for hadst
thou, 'Glory of the East,' been half a second longer in reaching the
gates of the Amphitheatre, there is not a bear's cub in Epidaphne
that would not have had a nibble at thy carcase. Let us be off -- let
us take our departure! -- for we shall find our delicate modern ears
unable to endure the vast uproar which is about to commence in
celebration of the king's escape! Listen! it has already commenced.
See! -- the whole town is topsy-turvy.
"Surely this is the most populous city of the East! What a wilderness
of people! what a jumble of all ranks and ages! what a multiplicity
of sects and nations! what a variety of costumes! what a Babel of
languages! what a screaming of beasts! what a tinkling of
instruments! what a parcel of philosophers!"
Come let us be off.
"Stay a moment! I see a vast hubbub in the hippodrome; what is the
meaning of it, I beseech you?"
That? -- oh, nothing! The noble and free citizens of Epidaphne being,
as they declare, well satisfied of the faith, valor, wisdom, and
divinity of their king, and having, moreover, been eye-witnesses of
his late superhuman agility, do think it no more than their duty to
invest his brows (in addition to the poetic crown) with the wreath of
victory in the footrace -- a wreath which it is evident he must
obtain at the celebration of the next Olympiad, and which, therefore,
they now give him in advance.
~~~ End of Text ~~~
Footnotes -- Four Beasts
{*1} Flavius Vospicus says, that the hymn here introduced was sung by
the rabble upon the occasion of Aurelian, in the Sarmatic war, having
slain, with his own hand, nine hundred and fifty of the enemy.
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