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The Works of Horace
Page 6
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THE FIRST BOOK OF THE SATIRES OF HORACE.
SATIRE I.
That all, but especially the covetous, think their own condition the
hardest.
How comes it to pass, Maecenas, that no one lives content with his
condition, whether reason gave it him, or chance threw it in his way
[but] praises those who follow different pursuits? "O happy
merchants!" says the soldier, oppressed with years, and now broken
down in his limbs through excess of labor. On the other side, the
merchant, when the south winds toss his ship [cries], "Warfare is
preferable;" for why? the engagement is begun, and in an instant
there comes a speedy death or a joyful victory. The lawyer praises
the farmer's state when the client knocks at his door by cock-crow.
He who, having entered into a recognizance, is dragged from the
country into the city, cries, "Those only are happy who live in the
city." The other instances of this kind (they are so numerous) would
weary out the loquacious Fabius; not to keep you in suspense, hear
to what an issue I will bring the matter. If any god should say,
"Lo! I will effect what you desire: you, that were just now a
soldier, shall be a merchant; you, lately a lawyer [shall be] a
farmer. Do ye depart one way, and ye another, having exchanged the
parts [you are to act] in life. How now! why do you stand?" They are
unwilling; and yet it is in their power to be happy. What reason can
be assigned, but that Jupiter should deservedly distend both his
cheeks in indignation, and declare that for the future he will not
be so indulgent as to lend an ear to their prayers? But further,
that I may not run over this in a laughing manner, like those [who
treat] on ludicrous subjects (though what hinders one being merry,
while telling the truth?
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as good-natured teachers at first give
cakes to their boys, that they may be willing to learn their first
rudiments: railery, however, apart, let us investigate serious
matters). He that turns the heavy glebe with the hard ploughshare,
this fraudulent tavern-keeper, the soldier, and the sailors, who
dauntless run through every sea, profess that they endure toil with
this intention, that as old men they may retire into a secure
resting place, when once they have gotten together a sufficient
provision.
Thus the little ant (for she is an example), of great industry,
carries in her mouth whatever she is able, and adds to the heap
which she piles up, by no means ignorant and not careless for the
future. Which [ant, nevertheless], as soon, as Aquarius saddens the
changed year, never creeps abroad, but wisely makes use of those
stores which were provided beforehand: while neither sultry summer,
nor winter, fire, ocean, sword, can drive you from gain. You
surmount every obstacle, that no other man may be richer than
yourself. What pleasure is it for you, trembling to deposit an
immense weight of silver and gold in the earth dug up by stealth?
Because if you lessen it, it may be reduced to a paltry farthing.
But unless that be the case, what beauty has an accumulated hoard?
Though your thrashing-floor should yield a hundred thousand bushels
of corn, your belly will not on that account contain more than mine:
just as if it were your lot to carry on your loaded shoulder the
basket of bread among slaves, you would receive no more [for your
own share] than he who bore no part of the burthen. Or tell me, what
is it to the purpose of that man, who lives within the compass of
nature, whether he plow a hundred or a thousand acres?
"But it is still delightful to take out of a great hoard."
While you leave us to take as much out of a moderate store, why
should you extol your granaries, more than our corn-baskets? As if
you had occasion for no more than a pitcher or glass of water, and
should say, "I had rather draw [so much] from a great river, than
the very same quantity from this little fountain." Hence it comes to
pass, that the rapid Aufidus carries away, together with the bank,
such men as an abundance more copious than what is just delights.
But he who desires only so much as is sufficient, neither drinks
water fouled with the mud, nor loses his life in the waves.
But a great majority of mankind, misled by a wrong desire cry, "No
sum is enough; because you are esteemed in proportion to what you
possess." What can one do to such a tribe as this? Why, bid them be
wretched, since their inclination prompts them to it. As a certain
person is recorded [to have lived] at Athens, covetous and rich, who
was wont to despise the talk of the people in this manner: "The
crowd hiss me; but I applaud myself at home, as soon as I
contemplate my money in my chest." The thirsty Tantalus catches at
the streams, which elude his lips. Why do you laugh? The name
changed, the tale is told of you. You sleep upon your bags, heaped
up on every side, gaping over them, and are obliged to abstain from
them, as if they were consecrated things, or to amuse yourself with
them as you would with pictures. Are you ignorant of what value
money has, what use it can afford? Bread, herbs, a bottle of wine
may be purchased; to which [necessaries], add [such others], as,
being withheld, human nature would be uneasy with itself. What, to
watch half dead with terror, night and day, to dread profligate
thieves, fire, and your slaves, lest they should run away and
plunder you; is this delightful? I should always wish to be very
poor in possessions held upon these terms.
But if your body should be disordered by being seized with a cold,
or any other casualty should confine you to your bed, have you one
that will abide by you, prepare medicines, entreat the physician
that he would set you upon your feet, and restore you to your
children and dear relations?
Neither your wife, nor your son, desires your recovery; all your
neighbors, acquaintances, [nay the very] boys and girls hate you. Do
you wonder that no one tenders you the affection which you do not
merit, since you prefer your money to everything else? If you think
to retain, and preserve as friends, the relations which nature gives
you, without taking any pains; wretch that you are, you lose your
labor equally, as if any one should train an ass to be obedient to
the rein, and run in the Campus [Martius]. Finally, let there be
some end to your search; and, as your riches increase, be in less
dread of poverty; and begin to cease from your toil, that being
acquired which you coveted: nor do as did one Umidius (it is no
tedious story), who was so rich that he measured his money, so
sordid that he never clothed him self any better than a slave; and,
even to his last moments, was in dread lest want of bread should
oppress him: but his freed-woman, the bravest of all the daughters
of Tyndarus, cut him in two with a hatchet.
"What therefore do you persuade me to? That I should lead the life
of Naevius, or in such a manner as a Nomentanus?"
You are going [now] to make things tally, that are contradictory in
their natures. When I bid you not be a miser, I do not order you to
become a debauchee or a prodigal. There is some difference between
the case of Tanais and his son-in-law Visellius, there is a mean in
things; finally, there are certain boundaries, on either side of
which moral rectitude can not exist. I return now whence I
digressed. Does no one, after the miser's example, like his own
station, but rather praise those who have different pursuits; and
pines, because his neighbor's she-goat bears a more distended udder:
nor considers himself in relation to the greater multitude of poor;
but labors to surpass, first one and then another? Thus the richer
man is always an obstacle to one that is hastening [to be rich]: as
when the courser whirls along the chariot dismissed from the place
of starting; the charioteer presses upon those horses which outstrip
his own, despising him that is left behind coming on among the last.
Hence it is, that we rarely find a man who can say he has lived
happy, and content with his past life, can retire from the world
like a satisfied guest. Enough for the present: nor will I add one
word more, lest you should suspect that I have plundered the
escrutoire of the blear-eyed Crispinus.
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SATIRE II.
Bad men, when they avoid certain vices, fall into their opposite
extremes.
The tribes of female flute-players, quacks, vagrants, mimics,
blackguards; all this set is sorrowful and dejected on account of
the death of the singer Tigellius; for he was liberal [toward them].
On the other hand, this man, dreading to be called a spendthrift,
will not give a poor friend wherewithal to keep off cold and
pinching hunger. If you ask him why he wickedly consumes the noble
estate of his grandfather and father in tasteless gluttony, buying
with borrowed money all sorts of dainties; he answers, because he is
unwilling to be reckoned sordid, or of a mean spirit: he is praised
by some, condemned by others. Fufidius, wealthy in lands, wealthy in
money put out at interest, is afraid of having the character of a
rake and spendthrift. This fellow deducts 5 per cent. Interest from
the principal [at the time of lending]; and, the more desperate in
his circumstances any one is, the more severely be pinches him: he
hunts out the names of young fellows that have just put on the toga
virilis under rigid fathers. Who does not cry out, O sovereign
Jupiter! when he has heard [of such knavery]? But [you will say,
perhaps,] this man expends upon himself in proportion to his gain.
You can hardly believe how little a friend he is to himself:
insomuch that the father, whom Terence's comedy introduces as living
miserable after he had caused his son to run away from him, did not
torment himself worse than he. Now if any one should ask, "To what
does this matter tend?" To this: while fools shun [one sort of]
vices, they fall upon their opposite extremes. Malthinus walks with
his garments trailing upon the ground; there is another droll fellow
who [goes] with them tucked up even to his middle; Rufillus smells
like perfume itself, Gorgonius like a he-goat. There is no mean.
There are some who would not keep company with a lady, unless her
modest garment perfectly conceal her feet. Another, again, will only
have such as take their station in a filthy brothel. When a certain
noted spark came out of a stew, the divine Cato [greeted] him with
this sentence: "Proceed (says he) in your virtuous course. For, when
once foul lust has inflamed the veins, it is right for young fellows
to come hither, in comparison of their meddling with other men's
wives." I should not be willing to be commended on such terms, says
Cupiennius, an admirer of the silken vail.
Ye, that do not wish well to the proceedings of adulterers, it is
worth your while to hear how they are hampered on all sides; and
that their pleasure, which happens to them but seldom, is
interrupted with a great deal of pain, and often in the midst of
very great dangers. One has thrown himself headlong from the top of
a house; another has been whipped almost to death: a third, in his
flight, has fallen into a merciless gang of thieves: another has
paid a fine, [to avoid] corporal [punishment]: the lowest servants
have treated another with the vilest indignities. Moreover, this
misfortune happened to a certain person, he entirely lost his
manhood. Every body said, it was with justice: Galba denied it.
But how much safer is the traffic among [women] of the second rate!
I mean the freed-women: after which Sallustius is not less mad, than
he who commits adultery. But if he had a mind to be good and
generous, as far as his estate and reason would direct him, and as
far as a man might be liberal with moderation; he would give a
sufficiency, not what would bring upon himself ruin and infamy.
However, he hugs himself in this one [consideration]; this he
delights in, this he extols: "I meddle with no matron." Just as
Marsaeus, the lover of Origo, he who gives his paternal estate and
seat to an actress, says, "I never meddle with other men's wives."
But you have with actresses, you have with common strumpets: whence
your reputation derives a greater perdition, than your estate. What,
is it abundantly sufficient to avoid the person, and not the [vice]
which is universally noxious? To lose one's good name, to squander a
father's effects, is in all cases an evil. What is the difference
[then, with regard to yourself,] whether you sin with the person of
a matron, a maiden, or a prostitute?
Villius, the son-in-law of Sylla (by this title alone he was
misled), suffered [for his commerce] with Fausta, an adequate and
more than adequate punishment, by being drubbed and stabbed, while
he was shut out, that Longarenus might enjoy her within. Suppose
this [young man's] mind had addressed him in the words of his
appetite, perceiving such evil consequences: "What would you have?
Did I ever, when my ardor was at the highest, demand a woman
descended from a great consul, and covered with robes of quality?"
What could he answer? Why, "the girl was sprung from an illustrious
father." But how much better things, and how different from this,
does nature, abounding in stores of her own, recommend; if you would
only make a proper use of them, and not confound what is to be
avoided with that which is desirable! Do you think it is of no
consequence, whether your distresses arise from your own fault or
from [a real deficiency] of things? Wherefore, that you may not
repent [when it is too late], put a stop to your pursuit after
matrons; whence more trouble is derived, than you can obtain of
enjoyment from success. Nor has [this particular matron], amid her
pearls and emeralds, a softer thigh, or-limbs mere delicate than
yours, Cerinthus; nay, the prostitutes are frequently preferable.
Add to this, that [the prostitute] bears about her merchandize
without any varnish, and openly shows what she has to dispose of;
nor, if she has aught more comely than ordinary, does she boast and
make an ostentation of it, while she is industrious to conceal that
which is offensive. This is the custom with men of fortune: when
they buy horses, they inspect them covered: that, if a beautiful
forehand (as often) be supported by a tender hoof, it may not take
in the buyer, eager for the bargain, because the back is handsome,
the head little, and the neck stately. This they do judiciously. Do
not you, [therefore, in the same manner] contemplate the perfections
of each [fair one's] person with the eyes of Lynceus; but be blinder
than Hypsaea, when you survey such parts as are deformed. [You may
cry out,] "O what a leg! O, what delicate arms!" But [you suppress]
that she is low-hipped, short-waisted, with a long nose, and a splay
foot. A man can see nothing but the face of a matron, who carefully
conceals her other charms, unless it be a Catia. But if you will
seek after forbidden charms (for the [circumstance of their being
forbidden] makes you mad after them), surrounded as they are with a
fortification, many obstacles will then be in your way: such as
guardians, the sedan, dressers, parasites, the long robe hanging
down to the ankles, and covered with an upper garment; a
multiplicity of circumstances, which will hinder you from having a
fair view. The other throws no obstacle in your way; through the
silken vest you may discern her, almost as well as if she was naked;
that she has neither a bad leg, nor a disagreeable foot, you may
survey her form perfectly with your eye. Or would you choose to have
a trick put upon you, and your money extorted, before the goods are
shown you? [But perhaps you will sing to me these verses out of
Callimachus.] As the huntsman pursues the hare in the deep snow, but
disdains to touch it when it is placed before him: thus sings the
rake, and applies it to himself; my love is like to this, for it
passes over an easy prey, and pursues what flies from it. Do you
hope that grief, and uneasiness, and bitter anxieties, will be
expelled from your breast by such verses as these? Would It not be
more profitable to inquire what boundary nature has affixed to the
appetites, what she can patiently do without, and what she would
lament the deprivation of, and to separate what is solid from what
is vain? What! when thirst parches your jaws, are you solicitous for
golden cups to drink out of? What! when you are hungry, do you
despise everything but peacock and turbot? When your passions are
inflamed, and a common gratification is at hand, would you rather be
consumed with desire than possess it? I would not: for I love such
pleasures as are of easiest attainment. But she whose language is,
"By and by," "But for a small matter more," "If my husband should be
out of the way." [is only] for petit-maitres: and for himself,
Philodemus says, he chooses her, who neither stands for a great
price, nor delays to come when she is ordered. Let her be fair, and
straight, and so far decent as not to appear desirous of seeming
fairer than nature has made her. When I am in the company of such an
one, she is my Ilia and Aegeria; I give her any name. Nor am I
apprehensive, while I am in her company, lest her husband should
return from the country: the door should be broken open; the dog
should bark; the house, shaken, should resound on all sides with a
great noise; the woman, pale [with fear], should bound away from me;
lest the maid, conscious [of guilt], should cry out, she is undone;
lest she should be in apprehension for her limbs, the detected wife
for her portion, I for myself: lest I must run away with my clothes
all loose, and bare-footed, for fear my money, or my person, or,
finally my character should be demolished. It is a dreadful thing to
be caught; I could prove this, even if Fabius were the judge.
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SATIRE III.
We might to connive at the faults of our friends, and all offences
are not to be ranked in the catalogue of crimes.
This is a fault common to all singers, that among their friends they
never are inclined to sing when they are asked, [but] unasked, they
never desist. Tigellius, that Sardinian, had this [fault]. Had
Caesar, who could have forced him to compliance, besought him on
account of his father's friendship and his own, he would have had no
success; if he himself was disposed, he would chant lo Bacche over
and over, from the beginning of an entertainment to the very
conclusion of it; one while at the deepest pitch of his voice, at
another time with that which answers to the highest string of the
tetrachord. There was nothing uniform in that fellow; frequently
would he run along, as one flying from an enemy; more frequently [he
walked] as if he bore [in procession] the sacrifice of Juno: he had
often two hundred slaves, often but ten: one while talking of kings
and potentates, every thing that was magnificent; at another—"Let me
have a three-legged table, and a cellar of clean salt, and a gown
which, though coarse, may be sufficient to keep out the cold." Had
you given ten hundred thousand sesterces to this moderate man who
was content with such small matters, in five days' time there would
be nothing in his bags. He sat up at nights, [even] to day-light; he
snored out all the day. Never was there anything so inconsistent
with itself. Now some person may say to me, "What are you? Have you
no faults?" Yes, others; but others, and perhaps of a less culpable
nature.
When Maenius railed at Novius in his absence: "Hark ye," says a
certain person, "are you ignorant of yourself? or do you think to
impose yourself upon us a person we do not know?" "As for me, I
forgive myself," quoth Maenius. This is a foolish and impious
self-love, and worthy to be stigmatized. When you look over your own
vices, winking at them, as it were, with sore eyes; why are you with
regard to those of your friends as sharp-sighted as an eagle, or the
Epidaurian serpent? But, on the other hand, it is your lot that your
friends should inquire into your vices in turn. [A certain person]
is a little too hasty in his temper; not well calculated for the
sharp-witted sneers of these men: he may be made a jest of because
his gown hangs awkwardly, he [at the same time] being trimmed in a
very rustic manner, and his wide shoe hardly sticks to his foot. But
he is so good, that no man can be better; but he is your friend; but
an immense genius is concealed under this unpolished person of his.
Finally, sift yourself thoroughly, whether nature has originally
sown the seeds of any vice in you, or even an ill-habit [has done
it]. For the fern, fit [only] to be burned, overruns the neglected
fields.
Let us return from our digression. As his mistress's disagreeable
failings escape the blinded lover, or even give him pleasure (as
Hagna's wen does to Balbinus), I could wish that we erred in this
manner with regard to friendship, and that virtue had affixed a
reputable appellation to such an error. And as a father ought not to
contemn his son, if he has any defect, in the same manner we ought
not [to contemn] our friend. The father calls his squinting boy a
pretty leering rogue; and if any man has a little despicable brat,
such as the abortive Sisyphus formerly was, he calls it a sweet
moppet; this [child] with distorted legs, [the father] in a fondling
voice calls one of the Vari; and another, who is club-footed, he
calls a Scaurus. [Thus, does] this friend of yours live more
sparingly than ordinarily? Let him be styled a man of frugality. Is
another impertinent, and apt to brag a little? He requires to be
reckoned entertaining to his friends. But [another] is too rude, and
takes greater liberties than are fitting. Let him be esteemed a man
of sincerity and bravery. Is he too fiery, let him be numbered among
persons of spirit. This method, in my opinion, both unites friends,
and preserves them in a state of union. But we invert the very
virtues themselves, and are desirous of throwing dirt upon the
untainted vessel. Does a man of probity live among us? he is a
person of singular diffidence; we give him the name of a dull and
fat-headed fellow. Does this man avoid every snare, and lay himself
open to no ill-designing villain; since we live amid such a race,
where keen envy and accusations are flourishing? Instead of a
sensible and wary man, we call him a disguised and subtle fellow.
And is any one more open, [and less reserved] than usual in such a
degree as I often have presented myself to you, Maecenas, so as
perhaps impertinently to interrupt a person reading, or musing, with
any kind of prate? We cry, "[this fellow] actually wants common
sense." Alas! how indiscreetly do we ordain a severe law against
ourselves! For no one Is born without vices: he is the best man who
is encumbered with the least. When my dear friend, as is just,
weighs my good qualities against my bad ones, let him, if he is
willing to be beloved, turn the scale to the majority of the former
(if I have indeed a majority of good qualities), on this condition,
he shall be placed in the same balance. He who requires that his
friend should not take offence at his own protuberances, will excuse
his friend's little warts. It is fair that he who entreats a pardon
for his own faults, should grant one in his turn.
Upon the whole, forasmuch as the vice anger, as well as others
inherent in foolish [mortals], cannot be totally eradicated, why
does not human reason make use of its own weights and measures; and
so punish faults, as the nature of the thing demands? If any man
should punish with the cross, a slave, who being ordered to take
away the dish should gorge the half-eaten fish and warm sauce; he
would, among people in their senses, be called a madder man than
Labeo. How much more irrational and heinous a crime is this! Your
friend has been guilty of a small error (which, unless you forgive,
you ought to be reckoned a sour, ill-natured fellow), you hate and
avoid him, as a debtor does Ruso; who, when the woful calends come
upon the unfortunate man, unless he procures the interest or capital
by hook or by crook, is compelled to hear his miserable stories with
his neck stretched out like a slave. [Should my friend] in his
liquor water my couch, or has he thrown down a jar carved by the
hands of Evander: shall he for this [trifling] affair, or because in
his hunger he has taken a chicken before me out of my part of the
dish, be the less agreeable friend to me? [If so], what could I do
if he was guilty of theft, or had betrayed things committed to him
in confidence, or broken his word. They who are pleased [to rank
all] faults nearly on an equality, are troubled when they come to
the truth of the matter: sense and morality are against them, and
utility itself, the mother almost of right and of equity.
When [rude] animals, they crawled forth upon the first-formed earth,
the mute and dirty herd fought with their nails and fists for their
acorn and caves, afterward with clubs, and finally with arms which
experience had forged: till they found out words and names, by which
they ascertained their language and sensations: thenceforward they
began to abstain from war, to fortify towns, and establish laws:
that no person should be a thief, a robber, or an adulterer. For
before Helen's time there existed [many] a woman who was the dismal
cause of war: but those fell by unknown deaths, whom pursuing
uncertain venery, as the bull in the herd, the strongest slew. It
must of necessity be acknowledged, if you have a mind to turn over
the aeras and anuals of the world, that laws were invented from an
apprehension of the natural injustice [of mankind]. Nor can nature
separate what is unjust from what is just, in the same manner as she
distinguishes what is good from its reverse, and what is to be
avoided from that which is to be sought, nor will reason persuade
men to this, that he who breaks down the cabbage-stalk of his
neighbor, sins in as great a measure, and in the same manner, as he
who steals by night things consecrated to the gods. Let there be a
settled standard, that may inflict adequate punishments upon crimes,
lest you should persecute any one with the horrible thong, who is
only deserving of a slight whipping. For I am not apprehensive, that
you should correct with the rod one that deserves to suffer severer
stripes: since you assert that pilfering is an equal crime with
highway robbery, and threaten that you would prune off with an
undistinguishing hook little and great vices, if mankind were to
give you the sovereignty over them. If he be rich, who is wise, and
a good shoemaker, and alone handsome, and a king, why do you wish
for that which you are possessed of? You do not understand what
Chrysippus, the father [of your sect], says: "The wise man never
made himself shoes nor slippers: nevertheless, the wise man is a
shoemaker." How so? In the same manner, though Hermogenes be silent,
he is a fine singer, notwithstanding, and an excellent musician: as
the subtle [lawyer] Alfenus, after every instrument of his calling
was thrown aside, and his shop shut up, was [still] a barber; thus
is the wise man of all trades, thus is he a king. O greatest of
great kings, the waggish boys pluck you by the beard; whom unless
you restrain with your staff, you will be jostled by a mob all about
you, and you may wretchedly bark and burst your lungs in vain. Not
to be tedious: while you, my king, shall go to the farthing bath,
and no guard shall attend you, except the absurd Crispinus; my dear
friends will both pardon me in any matter in which I shall foolishly
offend, and I in turn will cheerfully put up with their faults; and
though a private man, I shall live more happily than you, a king.
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SATIRE IV.
He apologizes for the liberties taken by satiric poets in general,
and particularly by himself.
The poets Eupolis, and Cratinus, and Aristophanes, and others, who
are authors of the ancient comedy, if there was any person deserving
to be distinguished for being a rascal or a thief, an adulterer or a
cut-throat, or in any shape an infamous fellow, branded him with
great freedom. Upon these [models] Lucilius entirely depends, having
imitated them, changing only their feet and numbers: a man of wit,
of great keenness, inelegant in the composition of verse: for in
this respect he was faulty; he would often, as a great feat, dictate
two hundred verses in an hour, standing in the same position. As he
flowed muddily, there was [always] something that one would wish to
remove; he was verbose, and too lazy to endure the fatigue of
writing—of writing accurately: for, with regard to the quantity [of
his works], I make no account of it. See! Crispinus challenges me
even for ever so little a wager. Take, if you dare, take your
tablets, and I will take mine; let there be a place, a time, and
persons appointed to see fair play: let us see who can write the
most. The gods have done a good part by me, since they have framed
me of an humble and meek disposition, speaking but seldom, briefly:
but do you, [Crispinus,] as much as you will, imitate air which is
shut up in leathern bellows, perpetually putting till the fire
softens the iron. Fannius is a happy man, who, of his own accord,
has presented his manuscripts and picture [to the Palatine Apollo];
when not a soul will peruse my writings, who am afraid to rehearse
in public, on this account, because there are certain persons who
can by no means relish this kind [of satiric writing], as there are
very many who deserve censure. Single any man out of the crowd; he
either labors under a covetous disposition, or under wretched
ambition. One is mad in love with married women, another with
youths; a third the splendor of silver captivates: Albius is in
raptures with brass; another exchanges his merchandize from the
rising sun, even to that with which the western regions are warmed:
but he is burried headlong through dangers, as dust wrapped up in a
whirlwind; in dread lest he should lose anything out of the capital,
or [in hope] that he may increase his store. All these are afraid of
verses, they hate poets. "He has hay on his horn, [they cry;] avoid
him at a great distance: if he can but raise a laugh for his own
diversion, he will not spare any friend: and whatever he has once
blotted upon his paper, he will take a pleasure in letting all the
boys and old women know, as they return from the bakehouse or the
lake." But, come on, attend to a few words on the other side of the
question.
In the first place, I will except myself out of the number of those
I would allow to be poets: for one must not call it sufficient to
tag a verse: nor if any person, like me, writes in a style bordering
on conversation, must you esteem him to be a poet. To him who has
genius, who has a soul of a diviner cast, and a greatness of
expression, give the honor of this appellation. On this account some
have raised the question, whether comedy be a poem or not; because
an animated spirit and force is neither in the style, nor the
subject-matter: bating that it differs from prose by a certain
measure, it is mere prose. But [one may object to this, that even in
comedy] an inflamed father rages, because his dissolute son, mad
after a prostitute mistress, refuses a wife with a large portion;
and (what is an egregious scandal) rambles about drunk with
flambeaux by day-light. Yet could Pomponius, were his father alive,
hear less severe reproofs! Wherefore it is not sufficient to write
verses merely in proper language; which if you take to pieces, any
person may storm in the same manner as the father in the play. If
from these verses which I write at this present, or those that
Lucilius did formerly, you take away certain pauses and measures,
and make that word which was first in order hindermost, by placing
the latter [words] before those that preceded [in the verse]; you
will not discern the limbs of a poet, when pulled in pieces, in the
same manner as you would were you to transpose ever so [these lines
of Ennius]:
When discord dreadful bursts the brazen bars,
And shatters iron locks to thunder forth her wars.
So far of this matter; at another opportunity [I may investigate]
whether [a comedy] be a true poem or not: now I shall only consider
this point, whether this [satiric] kind of writing be deservedly an
object of your suspicion. Sulcius the virulent, and Caprius hoarse
with their malignancy, walk [openly], and with their libels too [in
their hands]; each of them a singular terror to robbers: but if a
man lives honestly and with clean hands, he may despise them both.
Though you be like highwaymen, Coelus and Byrrhus, I am not [a
common accuser], like Caprius and Sulcius; why should you be afraid
of me? No shop nor stall holds my books, which the sweaty hands of
the vulgar and of Hermogenes Tigellius may soil. I repeat to nobody,
except my intimates, and that when I am pressed; nor any where, and
before any body. There are many who recite their writings in the
middle of the forum; and who [do it] while bathing: the closeness of
the place, [it seems,] gives melody to the voice. This pleases
coxcombs, who never consider whether they do this to no purpose, or
at an unseasonable time. But you, says he, delight to hurt people,
and this you do out of a mischievous disposition. From what source
do you throw this calumny upon me? Is any one then your voucher,
with whom I have lived? He who backbites his absent friend; [nay
more,] who does not defend, at another's accusing him; who affects
to raise loud laughs in company, and the reputation of a funny
fellow, who can feign things he never saw; who cannot keep secrets;
he is a dangerous man: be you, Roman, aware of him. You may often
see it [even in crowded companies], where twelve sup together on
three couches; one of which shall delight at any rate to asperse the
rest, except him who furnishes the bath; and him too afterward in
his liquor, when truth-telling Bacchus opens the secrets of his
heart. Yet this man seems entertaining, and well-bred, and frank to
you, who are an enemy to the malignant: but do I, if I have laughed
because the fop Rufillus smells all perfumes, and Gorgonius, like a
he-goat, appear insidious and a snarler to you? If by any means
mention happen to be made of the thefts of Petillius Capitolinus in
your company, you defend him after your manner: [as thus,]
Capitolinus has had me for a companion and a friend from childhood,
and being applied to, has done many things on my account: and I am
glad that he lives secure in the city; but I wonder,
notwithstanding, how he evaded that sentence. This is the very
essence of black malignity, this is mere malice itself: which crime,
that it shall be far remote from my writings, and prior to them from
my mind, I promise, if I can take upon me to promise any thing
sincerely of myself. If I shall say any thing too freely, if perhaps
too ludicrously, you must favor me by your indulgence with this
allowance. For my excellent father inured me to this custom, that by
noting each particular vice I might avoid it by the example [of
others]. When he exhorted me that I should live thriftily, frugally,
and content with what he had provided for me; don't you see, [would
he say,] how wretchedly the son of Albius lives? and how miserably
Barrus? A strong lesson to hinder any one from squandering away his
patrimony. When he would deter me from filthy fondness for a light
woman: [take care, said he,] that you do not resemble Sectanus. That
I might not follow adulteresses, when I could enjoy a lawful amour:
the character cried he, of Trobonius, who was caught in the fact, is
by no means creditable. The philosopher may tell you the reasons for
what is better to be avoided, and what to be pursued. It is
sufficient for me, if I can preserve the morality traditional from
my forefathers, and keep your life and reputation inviolate, so long
as you stand in need of a guardian: so soon as age shall have
strengthened your limbs and mind, you will swim without cork. In
this manner he formed me, as yet a boy: and whether he ordered me to
do any particular thing: You have an authority for doing this:
[then] he instanced some one of the select magistrates: or did he
forbid me [any thing]; can you doubt, [says he,] whether this thing
be dishonorable, and against your interest to be done, when this
person and the other is become such a burning shame for his bad
character [on these accounts]? As a neighboring funeral dispirits
sick gluttons, and through fear of death forces them to have mercy
upon themselves; so other men's disgraces often deter tender minds
from vices. From this [method of education] I am clear from all such
vices, as bring destruction along with them: by lighter foibles, and
such as you may excuse, I am possessed. And even from these,
perhaps, a maturer age, the sincerity of a friend, or my own
judgment, may make great reductions. For neither when I am in bed,
or in the piazzas, am I wanting to myself: this way of proceeding is
better; by doing such a thing I shall live more comfortably; by this
means I shall render myself agreeable to my friends; such a
transaction was not clever; what, shall I, at any time, imprudently
commit any thing like it? These things I resolve in silence by
myself. When I have any leisure, I amuse myself with my papers. This
is one of those lighter foibles [I was speaking of]: to which if you
do not grant your indulgence, a numerous band of poets shall come,
which will take my part (for we are many more in number), and, like
the Jews, we will force you to come over to our numerous party.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SATIRE V.
He describes a certain journey of his from Rome to Brundusium with
great pleasantry.
Having left mighty Rome, Aricia received me in but a middling inn:
Heliodorus the rhetorician, most learned in the Greek language, was
my fellow-traveller: thence we proceeded to Forum-Appi, stuffed with
sailors and surly landlords. This stage, but one for better
travellers than we, being laggard we divided into two; the Appian
way is less tiresome to bad travelers. Here I, on account of the
water, which was most vile, proclaim war against my belly, waiting
not without impatience for my companions while at supper. Now the
night was preparing to spread her shadows upon the earth, and to
display the constellations in the heavens. Then our slaves began to
be liberal of their abuse to the watermen, and the watermen to our
slaves. "Here bring to." "You are stowing in hundreds; hold, now
sure there is enough." Thus while the fare is paid, and the mule
fastened a whole hour is passed away. The cursed gnats, and frogs of
the fens, drive off repose. While the waterman and a passenger,
well-soaked with plenty of thick wine, vie with one another in
singing the praises of their absent mistresses: at length the
passenger being fatigued, begins to sleep; and the lazy waterman
ties the halter of the mule, turned out a-grazing, to a stone, and
snores, lying flat on his back. And now the day approached, when we
saw the boat made no way; until a choleric fellow, one of the
passengers, leaps out of the boat, and drubs the head and sides of
both mule and waterman with a willow cudgel. At last we were
scarcely set ashore at the fourth hour. We wash our faces and hands
in thy water, O Feronia. Then, having dined we crawled on three
miles; and arrive under Anxur, which is built up on rocks that look
white to a great distance. Maecenas was to come here, as was the
excellent Cocceius. Both sent ambassadors on matters of great
importance, having been accustomed to reconcile friends at variance.
Here, having got sore eyes, I was obliged to use the black ointment.
In the meantime came Maecenas, and Cocceius, and Fonteius Capito
along with them, a man of perfect polish, and intimate with Mark
Antony, no man more so.
Without regret we passed Fundi, where Aufidius Luscus was praetor,
laughing at the honors of that crazy scribe, his praetexta,
laticlave, and pan of incense. At our next stage, being weary, we
tarry in the city of the Mamurrae, Murena complimenting us with his
house, and Capito with his kitchen.
The next day arises, by much the most agreeable to all: for Plotius,
and Varius, and Virgil met us at Sinuessa; souls more candid ones
than which the world never produced, nor is there a person in/the
world more bound to them than myself. Oh what embraces, and what
transports were there! While I am in my senses, nothing can I prefer
to a pleasant friend. The village, which is next adjoining to the
bridge of Campania, accommodated us with lodging [at night]; and the
public officers with such a quantity of fuel and salt as they are
obliged to [by law]. From this place the mules deposited their
pack-saddles at Capua betimes [in the morning]. Maecenas goes to
play [at tennis]; but I and Virgil to our repose: for to play at
tennis is hurtful to weak eyes and feeble constitutions.
From this place the villa of Cocceius, situated above the Caudian
inns, which abounds with plenty, receives us. Now, my muse, I beg of
you briefly to relate the engagement between the buffoon Sarmentus
and Messius Cicirrus; and from what ancestry descended each began
the contest. The illustrious race of Messius-Oscan: Sarmentus's
mistress is still alive. Sprung from such families as these, they
came to the combat. First, Sarmentus: "I pronounce thee to have the
look of a mad horse." We laugh; and Messius himself [says], "I
accept your challenge:" and wags his head. "O!" cries he, "if the
horn were not cut off your forehead, what would you not do; since,
maimed as you are, you bully at such a rate?" For a foul scar has
disgraced the left part of Messius's bristly forehead. Cutting many
jokes upon his Campanian disease, and upon his face, he desired him
to exhibit Polyphemus's dance: that he had no occasion for a mask,
or the tragic buskins. Cicirrus [retorted] largely to these: he
asked, whether he had consecrated his chain to the household gods
according to his vow; though he was a scribe, [he told him] his
mistress's property in him was not the less. Lastly, he asked, how
he ever came to run away; such a lank meager fellow, for whom a
pound of corn [a-day] would be ample. We were so diverted, that we
continued that supper to an unusual length.
Hence we proceed straight on for Beneventum; where the bustling
landlord almost burned himself, in roasting some lean thrushes: for,
the fire falling through the old kitchen [floor], the spreading
flame made a great progress toward the highest part of the roof.
Then you might have seen the hungry guests and frightened slaves
snatching their supper out [of the flames], and everybody
endeavoring to extinguish the fire.
After this Apulia began to discover to me her well-known mountains,
which the Atabulus scorches [with his blasts]: and through which we
should never have crept, unless the neighboring village of Trivicus
had received us, not without a smoke that brought tears into our
eyes; occasioned by a hearth's burning some green boughs with the
leaves upon them. Here, like a great fool as I was, I wait till
midnight for a deceitful mistress; sleep, however, overcomes me
while meditating love; and disagreeable dreams make me ashamed of
myself and every thing about me.
Hence we were bowled away in chaises twenty-four miles, intending to
stop at a little town, which one cannot name in a verse, but it is
easily enough known by description. For water is sold here, though
the worst in the world; but their bread is exceeding fine, inasmuch
that the weary traveler is used to carry it willingly on his
shoulders; for [the bread] at Canusium is gritty; a pitcher of water
is worth no more [than it is here]: which place was formerly built
by the valiant Diomedes. Here Varius departs dejected from his
weeping friends.
Hence we came to Rubi, fatigued: because we made a long journey, and
it was rendered still more troublesome by the rains. Next day the
weather was better, the road worse, even to the very walls of Barium
that abounds in fish. In the next place Egnatia, which [seems to
have] been built on troubled waters, gave us occasion for jests and
laughter; for they wanted to persuade us, that at this sacred portal
the incense melted without fire. The Jew Apella may believe this,
not I. For I have learned [from Epicurus], that the gods dwell in a
state of tranquillity; nor, if nature effect any wonder, that the
anxious gods send it from the high canopy of the heavens.
Brundusium ends both my long journey, and my paper.
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SATIRE VI.
Of true nobility.
Not Maecenas, though of all the Lydians that ever inhabited the
Tuscan territories, no one is of a nobler family than yourself; and
though you have ancestors both on father's and mother's side, that
in times past have had the command of mighty legions; do you, as the
generality are wont, toss up your nose at obscure people, such as
me, who has [only] a freed-man for my father: since you affirm that
it is of no consequence of what parents any man is born, so that he
be a man of merit. You persuade yourself, with truth, that before
the dominions of Tullius, and the reign of one born a slave,
frequently numbers of men descended from ancestors of no rank, have
both lived as men of merit, and have been distinguished by the
greatest honors: [while] on the other hand Laevinus, the descendant
of that famous Valerius, by whose means Tarquinius Superbus was
expelled from his kingdom, was not a farthing more esteemed [on
account of his family, even] in the judgment of the people, with
whose disposition you are well acquainted; who often foolishly
bestow honors on the unworthy, and are from their stupidity slaves
to a name: who are struck with admiration by inscriptions and
statues. What is it fitting for us to do, who are far, very far
removed from the vulgar [in our sentiments]? For grant it, that the
people had rather confer a dignity on Laevinus than on Decius, who
is a new man; and the censor Appius would expel me [the
senate-house], because I was not sprung from a sire of distinction:
and that too deservedly, inasmuch as I rested not content in my own
condition. But glory drags in her dazzling car the obscure as
closely fettered as those of nobler birth. What did it profit you, O
Tullius, to resume the robe that you [were forced] to lay aside, and
become a tribune [again]? Envy increased upon you, which had been
less, it you had remained in a private station. For when any crazy
fellow has laced the middle of his leg with the sable buskins, and
has let flow the purple robe from his breast, he immediately hears:
"Who is this man? Whose son is he?" Just as if there be any one, who
labors under the same distemper as Barrus does, so that he is
ambitious of being reckoned handsome; let him go where he will, he
excites curiosity among the girls of inquiring into particulars; as
what sort of face, leg, foot, teeth, hair, he has. Thus he who
engages to his citizens to take care of the city, the empire, and
Italy, and the sanctuaries of the gods, forces every mortal to be
solicitous, and to ask from what sire he is descended, or whether he
is base by the obscurity of his mother. What? do you, the son of a
Syrus, a Dana, or a Dionysius, dare to cast down the citizens of
Rome from the [Tarpeian] rock, or deliver them up to Cadmus [the
executioner]? But, [you may say,] my colleague Novius sits below me
by one degree: for he is only what my father was. And therefore do
you esteem yourself a Paulus or a Messala? But he (Novius), if two
hundred carriages and three funerals were to meet in the forum,
could make noise enough to drown all their horns and trumpets: this
[kind of merit] at least has its weight with us.
Now I return to myself, who am descended from a freed-man; whom
every body nibbles at, as being descended from a freed-man. Now,
because, Maecenas, I am a constant guest of yours; but formerly,
because a Roman legion was under my command, as being a military
tribune. This latter case is different from the former: for, though
any person perhaps might justly envy me that post of honor, yet
could he not do so with regard to your being my friend! especially
as you are cautious to admit such as are worthy; and are far from
having any sinister ambitious views. I can not reckon myself a lucky
fellow on this account, as if it were by accident that I got you for
my friend; for no kind of accident threw you in my way. That best of
men, Virgil, long ago, and after him, Varius, told you what I was.
When first I came into your presence, I spoke a few words in a
broken manner (for childish bashfulness hindered me from speaking
more); I did not tell you that I was the issue of an illustrious
father: I did not [pretend] that I rode about the country on a
Satureian horse, but plainly what I really was; you answer (as your
custom is) a few words: I depart: and you re-invite me after the
ninth month, and command me to be in the number of your friends. I
esteem it a great thing that I pleased you, who distinguish probity
from baseness, not by the illustriousness of a father, but by the
purity of heart and feelings.
And yet if my disposition be culpable for a few faults, and those
small ones, otherwise perfect (as if you should condemn moles
scattered over a beautiful skin), if no one can justly lay to my
charge avarice, nor sordidness, nor impure haunts; if, in fine (to
speak in my own praise), I live undefiled, and innocent, and dear to
my friends; my father was the cause of all this: who though a poor
man on a lean farm, was unwilling to send me to a school under [the
pedant] Flavius, where great boys, sprung from great centurions,
having their satchels and tablets swung over their left arm, used to
go with money in their hands the very day it was due; but had the
spirit to bring me a child to Rome, to be taught those arts which
any Roman knight and senator can teach his own children. So that, if
any person had considered my dress, and the slaves who attended me
in so populous a city, he would have concluded that those expenses
were supplied to me out of some hereditary estate. He himself, of
all others the most faithful guardian, was constantly about every
one of my preceptors. Why should I multiply words? He preserved me
chaste (which is the first honor or virtue) not only from every
actual guilt, but likewise from [every] foul imputation, nor was he
afraid lest any should turn it to his reproach, if I should come to
follow a business attended with small profits, in capacity of an
auctioneer, or (what he was himself) a tax-gatherer. Nor [had that
been the case] should I have complained. On this account the more
praise is due to him, and from me a greater degree of gratitude. As
long as I am in my senses, I can never be ashamed of such a father
as this, and therefore shall not apologize [for my birth], in the
manner that numbers do, by affirming it to be no fault of theirs. My
language and way of thinking is far different from such persons. For
if nature were to make us from a certain term of years to go over
our past time again, and [suffer us] to choose other parents, such
as every man for ostentation's sake would wish for himself; I,
content with my own, would not assume those that are honored with
the ensigns and seats of state; [for which I should seem] a madman
in the opinion of the mob, but in yours, I hope a man of sense;
because I should be unwilling to sustain a troublesome burden, being
by no means used to it. For I must [then] immediately set about
acquiring a larger fortune, and more people must be complimented;
and this and that companion must be taken along, so that I could
neither take a jaunt into the country, or a journey by myself; more
attendants and more horses must be fed; coaches must be drawn. Now,
if I please, I can go as far as Tarentum on my bob-tail mule, whose
loins the portmanteau galls with his weight, as does the horseman
his shoulders. No one will lay to my charge such sordidness as he
may, Tullius, to you, when five slaves follow you, a praetor, along
the Tiburtian way, carrying a traveling kitchen, and a vessel of
wine. Thus I live more comfortably, O illustrious senator, than you,
and than thousands of others. Wherever I have a fancy, I walk by
myself: I inquire the price of herbs and bread; I traverse the
tricking circus, and the forum often in the evening: I stand
listening among the fortune-tellers: thence I take myself home to a
plate of onions, pulse, and pancakes. My supper is served up by
three slaves; and a white stone slab supports two cups and a
brimmer: near the salt-cellar stands a homely cruet with a little
bowl, earthen-ware from Campania. Then I go to rest; by no means
concerned that I must rise in the morning, and pay a visit to the
statue of Marsyas, who denies that he is able to bear the look of
the younger Novius. I lie a-bed to the fourth hour; after that I
take a ramble, or having read or written what may amuse me in my
privacy, I am anointed with oil, but not with such as the nasty
Nacca, when he robs the lamps. But when the sun, become more
violent, has reminded me to go to bathe, I avoid the Campus Martius
and the game of hand-ball. Having dined in a temperate manner, just
enough to hinder me from having an empty stomach, during the rest of
the day I trifle in my own house. This is the life of those who are
free from wretched and burthensome ambition: with such things as
these I comfort myself, in a way to live more delightfully than if
my grandfather had been a quaestor, and father and uncle too.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SATIRE VII.
He humorously describes a squabble betwixt Rupilius and Persius.
In what manner the mongrel Persius revenged the filth and venom of
Rupilius, surnamed King, is I think known to all the blind men and
barbers. This Persius, being a man of fortune, had very great
business at Clazomenae, and, into the bargain, certain troublesome
litigations with King; a hardened fellow, and one who was able to
exceed even King in virulence; confident, blustering, of such a
bitterness of speech, that he would outstrip the Sisennae and Barri,
if ever so well equipped.
I return to King. After nothing could be settled betwixt them (for
people among whom adverse war breaks out, are proportionably
vexatious on the same account as they are brave. Thus between
Hector, the son of Priam, and the high-spirited Achilles, the rage
was of so capital a nature, that only the final destruction [one of
them] could determine it; on no other account, than that valor in
each of them was consummate. If discord sets two cowards to work; or
if an engagement happens between two that are not of a match, as
that of Diomed and the Lycian Glaucus; the worst man will walk off,
[buying his peace] by voluntarily sending presents), when Brutus
held as praetor the fertile Asia, this pair, Rupilius and Persius,
encountered; in such a manner, that [the gladiators] Bacchius and
Bithus were not better matched. Impetuous they hurry to the cause,
each of them a fine sight.
Persius opens his case; and is laughed at by all the assembly; he
extols Brutus, and extols the guard; he styles Brutus the sun of
Asia, and his attendants he styles salutary stars, all except King;
that he [he says,] came like that dog, the constellation hateful to
husbandman: he poured along like a wintery flood, where the ax
seldom comes.
Then, upon his running on in so smart and fluent a manner, the
Praenestine [king] directs some witticisms squeezed from the
vineyard, himself a hardy vine-dresser, never defeated, to whom the
passenger had often been obliged to yield, bawling cuckoo with
roaring voice.
But the Grecian Persius, as soon as he had been well sprinkled with
Italian vinegar, bellows out: O Brutus, by the great gods I conjure
you, who are accustomed to take off kings, why do you not dispatch
this King? Believe me, this is a piece of work which of right
belongs to you.
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SATIRE VIII.
Priapus complains that the Esquilian mount is infested with the
incantations of sorceresses.
Formerly I was the trunk of a wild fig-tree, an useless log: when
the artificer, in doubt whether he should make a stool or a Priapus
of me, determined that I should be a god. Henceforward I became a
god, the greatest terror of thieves and birds: for my right hand
restrains thieves, and a bloody-looking pole stretched out from my
frightful middle: but a reed fixed upon the crown of my head
terrifies the mischievous birds, and hinders them from settling in
these new gardens. Before this the fellow-slave bore dead corpses
thrown out of their narrow cells to this place, in order to be
deposited in paltry coffins. This place stood a common sepulcher for
the miserable mob, for the buffoon Pantelabus, and Nomentanus the
rake. Here a column assigned a thousand feet [of ground] in front,
and three hundred toward the fields: that the burial-place should
not descend to the heirs of the estate. Now one may live in the
Esquiliae, [since it is made] a healthy place; and walk upon an open
terrace, where lately the melancholy passengers beheld the ground
frightful with white bones; though both the thieves and wild beasts
accustomed to infest this place, do not occasion me so much care and
trouble, as do [these hags], that turn people's minds by their
incantations and drugs. These I can not by any means destroy nor
hinder, but that they will gather bones and noxious herbs, as soon
as the fleeting moon has shown her beauteous face.
I myself saw Canidia, with her sable garment tucked up, walk with
bare feet and disheveled hair, yelling together with the elder
Sagana. Paleness had rendered both of them horrible to behold. They
began to claw up the earth with their nails, and to tear a black
ewe-lamb to pieces with their teeth. The blood was poured into a
ditch, that thence they might charm out the shades of the dead,
ghosts that were to give them answers. There was a woolen effigy
too, another of wax: the woolen one larger, which was to inflict
punishment on the little one. The waxen stood in a suppliant
posture, as ready to perish in a servile manner. One of the hags
invokes Hecate, and the other fell Tisiphone. Then might you see
serpents and infernal bitches wander about, and the moon with
blushes hiding behind the lofty monuments, that she might not be a
witness to these doings. But if I lie, even a tittle, may my head be
contaminated with the white filth of ravens; and may Julius, and the
effeminate Miss Pediatous, and the knave Voranus, come to water upon
me, and befoul me. Why should I mention every particular? viz. in
what manner, speaking alternately with Sagana, the ghosts uttered
dismal and piercing shrieks; and how by stealth they laid in the
earth a wolf's beard, with the teeth of a spotted snake; and how a
great blaze flamed forth from the waxen image? And how I was shocked
at the voices and actions of these two furies, a spectator however
by no means incapable of revenge? For from my cleft body of fig-tree
wood I uttered a loud noise with as great an explosion as a burst
bladder. But they ran into the city: and with exceeding laughter and
diversion might you have seen Canidia's artificial teeth, and
Sagana's towering tete of false hair falling off, and the herbs, and
the enchanted bracelets from her arm.
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SATIRE IX.
He describes his sufferings from the loquacity of an impertinent
fellow.
I was accidentally going along the Via Sacra, meditating on some
trifle or other, as is my custom, and totally intent upon it. A
certain person, known to me by name only, runs up; and, having
seized my hand, "How do you do, my dearest fellow?" "Tolerably
well," say I, "as times go; and I wish you every thing you can
desire." When he still followed me; "Would you any thing?" said I to
him. But, "You know me," says he: "I am a man of learning." "Upon
that account," says I: "you will have more of my esteem." Wanting
sadly to get away from him, sometimes I walked on apace, now and
then I stopped, and I whispered something to my boy. When the sweat
ran down to the bottom of my ankles. O, said I to myself, Bolanus,
how happy were you in a head-piece! Meanwhile he kept prating on any
thing that came uppermost, praised the streets, the city; and, when
I made him no answer; "You want terribly," said he, "to get away; I
perceived it long ago; but you effect nothing. I shall still stick
close to you; I shall follow you hence: Where are you at present
bound for?" "There is no need for your being carried so much about:
I want to see a person, who is unknown to you: he lives a great way
off across the Tiber, just by Caesar's gardens." "I have nothing to
do, and I am not lazy; I will attend you thither." I hang down my
ears like an ass of surly disposition, when a heavier load than
ordinary is put upon his back. He begins again: "If I am tolerably
acquainted with myself, you will not esteem Viscus or Varius as a
friend, more than me; for who can write more verses, or in a shorter
time than I? Who can move his limbs with softer grace [in the
dance]? And then I sing, so that even Hermogenes may envy."
Here there was an opportunity of interrupting him. "Have you a
mother, [or any] relations that are interested in your welfare?"
"Not one have I; I have buried them all." "Happy they! now I remain.
Dispatch me: for the fatal moment is at hand, which an old Sabine
sorceress, having shaken her divining urn, foretold when I was a
boy; 'This child, neither shall cruel poison, nor the hostile sword,
nor pleurisy, nor cough, nor the crippling gout destroy: a babbler
shall one day demolish him; if he be wise, let him avoid talkative
people, as soon as he comes to man's estate.'"
One fourth of the day being now passed, we came to Vesta's temple;
and, as good luck would have it, he was obliged to appear to his
recognizance; which unless he did, he must have lost his cause. "If
you love me," said he, "step in here a little." "May I die! if I be
either able to stand it out, or have any knowledge of the civil
laws: and besides, I am in a hurry, you know whither." "I am in
doubt what I shall do," said he; "whether desert you or my cause."
"Me, I beg of you." "I will not do it," said he; and began to take
the lead of me. I (as it is difficult to contend with one's master)
follow him. "How stands it with Maecenas and you?" Thus he begins
his prate again. "He is one of few intimates, and of a very wise way
of thinking. No man ever made use of opportunity with more
cleverness. You should have a powerful assistant, who could play an
underpart, if you were disposed to recommend this man; may I perish,
if you should not supplant all the rest!" "We do not live there in
the manner you imagine; there is not a house that is freer or more
remote from evils of this nature. It is never of any disservice to
me, that any particular person is wealthier or a better scholar than
I am: every individual has his proper place." "You tell me a
marvelous thing, scarcely credible." "But it is even so." "You the
more inflame my desires to be near his person." "You need only be
inclined to it: such is your merit, you will accomplish it: and he
is capable of being won; and on that account the first access to him
he makes difficult." "I will not be wanting to myself: I will
corrupt his servants with presents; if I am excluded to-day, I will
not desist; I will seek opportunities; I will meet him in the public
streets; I will wait upon him home. Life allows nothing to mortals
without great labor." While he was running on at this rate, lo!
Fuscus Aristius comes up, a dear friend of mine, and one who knows
the fellow well. We make a stop. "Whence come you? whither are you
going?" he asks and answers. I began to twitch him [by the elbow],
and to take hold of his arms [that were affectedly] passive, nodding
and distorting my eyes, that he might rescue me. Cruelly arch he
laughs, and pretends not to take the hint: anger galled my liver.
"Certainly," [said I, "Fuscus,] you said that you wanted to
communicate something to me in private." "I remember it very well;
but will tell it you at a better opportunity: to-day is the
thirtieth sabbath. Would you affront the circumcised Jews?" I reply,
"I have no scruple [on that account]." "But I have: I am something
weaker, one of the multitude. You must forgive me: I will speak with
you on another occasion." And has this sun arisen so disastrous upon
me! The wicked rogue runs away, and leaves me under the knife. But
by luck his adversary met him: and, "Whither are you going, you
infamous fellow?" roars he with a loud voice: and, "Do you witness
the arrest?" I assent. He hurries him into court: there is a great
clamor on both sides, a mob from all parts. Thus Apollo preserved
me.
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SATIRE X.
He supports the judgment which he had before given of Lucilius, and
intersperses some excellent precepts for the writing of Satire.
To be sure I did say, that the verses of Lucilius did not run
smoothly. Who is so foolish an admirer of Lucilius, that he would
not own this? But the same writer is applauded in the same Satire,
on account of his having lashed the town with great humor.
Nevertheless granting him this, I will not therefore give up the
other [considerations]; for at that rate I might even admire the
farces of Laberius, as fine poems. Hence it is by no means
sufficient to make an auditor grim with laughter: and yet there is
some degree of merit even in this. There is need of conciseness that
the sentence may run, and not embarrass itself with verbiage, that
overloads the sated ear; and sometimes a grave, frequently jocose
style is necessary, supporting the character one while of the orator
and [at another] of the poet, now and then that of a graceful
rallier that curbs the force of his pleasantry and weakens it on
purpose. For ridicule often decides matters of importance more
effectually and in a better manner, than severity. Those poets by
whom the ancient comedy was written, stood upon this [foundation],
and in this are they worthy of imitation: whom neither the
smooth-faced Hermogenes ever read, nor that baboon who is skilled in
nothing but singing [the wanton compositions of] Calvus and
Catullus.
But [Lucilius, say they,] did a great thing, when he intermixed
Greek words with Latin. O late-learned dunces! What! do you think
that arduous and admirable, which was done by Pitholeo the Rhodian?
But [still they cry] the style elegantly composed of both tongues is
the more pleasant, as if Falernian wine is mixed with Chian. When
you make verses, I ask you this question; were you to undertake the
difficult cause of the accused Petillius, would you (for instance),
forgetful of your country and your father, while Pedius, Poplicola,
and Corvinus sweat through their causes in Latin, choose to intermix
words borrowed from abroad, like the double-tongued Canusinian. And
as for myself, who was born on this side the water, when I was about
making Greek verses; Romulus appearing to me after midnight, when
dreams are true, forbade me in words to this effect; "You could not
be guilty of more madness by carrying timber into a wood, than by
desiring to throng in among the great crowds of Grecian writers."
While bombastical Alpinus murders Memnon, and while he deforms the
muddy source of the Rhine, I amuse myself with these satires; which
can neither be recited in the temple [of Apollo], as contesting for
the prize when Tarpa presides as judge, nor can have a run over and
over again represented in the theatres. You, O Fundanius, of all men
breathing are the most capable of prattling tales in a comic vein,
how an artful courtesan and a Davus impose upon an old Chremes.
Pollio sings the actions of kings in iambic measure; the sublime
Varias composes the manly epic, in a manner that no one can equal:
to Virgil the Muses, delighting in rural scenes, have granted the
delicate and the elegant. It was this kind [of satiric writing], the
Aticinian Varro and some others having attempted it without success,
in which I may have some slight merit, inferior to the inventor: nor
would I presume to pull off the [laurel] crown placed upon his brow
with great applause.
But I said that he flowed muddily, frequently indeed bearing along
more things which ought to be taken away than left. Be it so; do
you, who are a scholar, find no fault with any thing in mighty
Homer, I pray? Does the facetious Lucilius make no alterations in
the tragedies of Accius? Does not he ridicule many of Ennius'
verses, which are too light for the gravity [of the subject]? When
he speaks of himself by no means as superior to what he blames. What
should hinder me likewise, when I am reading the works of Lucilius,
from inquiring whether it be his [genius], or the difficult nature
of his subject, that will not suffer his verses to be more finished,
and to run more smoothly than if some one, thinking it sufficient to
conclude a something of six feet, be fond of writing two hundred
verses before he eats, and as many after supper? Such was the genius
of the Tuscan Cassius, more impetuous than a rapid river; who, as it
is reported, was burned [at the funeral pile] with his own books and
papers. Let it be allowed, I say, that Lucilius was a humorous and
polite writer; that he was also more correct than [Ennius], the
author of a kind of poetry [not yet] well cultivated, nor attempted
by the Greeks, and [more correct likewise] than the tribe of our old
poets: but yet he, if he had been brought down by the Fates to this
age of ours, would have retrenched a great deal from his writings:
he would have pruned off every thing that transgressed the limits of
perfection; and, in the composition of verses, would often have
scratched his head, and bit his nails to the quick.
You that intend to write what is worthy to be read more than once,
blot frequently: and take no-pains to make the multitude admire you,
content with a few [judicious] readers. What, would you be such a
fool as to be ambitious that your verses should be taught in petty
schools? That is not my case. It is enough for me, that the knight
[Maecenas] applauds: as the courageous actress, Arbuscula, expressed
herself, in contempt of the rest of the audience, when she was
hissed [by the populace]. What, shall that grubworm Pantilius have
any effect upon me? Or can it vex me, that Demetrius carps at me
behind my back? or because the trifler Fannius, that hanger-on to
Hermogenes Tigellius, attempts to hurt me? May Plotius and Varius,
Maecenas and Virgil, Valgius and Octavius approve these Satires, and
the excellent Fuscus likewise; and I could wish that both the Visci
would join in their commendations: ambition apart, I may mention
you, O Pollio: you also, Messala, together with your brother; and at
the same time, you, Bibulus and Servius; and along with these you,
candid Furnius; many others whom, though men of learning and my
friends, I purposely omit—to whom I would wish these Satires, such
as they are, may give satisfaction; and I should be chagrined, if
they pleased in a degree below my expectation. You, Demetrius, and
you, Tigellius, I bid lament among the forms of your female pupils.
Go, boy, and instantly annex this Satire to the end of my book.
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